Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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