i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
