They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
