I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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