Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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