I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she smelled like a LAN party
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
