i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
