belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
