so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
