Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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