it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my being single is dangerous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
