halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
