This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We need to rekindle our bromance
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
