i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
