I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
