had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
