Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
