Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
