you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
