So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
