I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
