i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Congratulations! We have a period
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