GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
