I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His hands were made for my vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
