so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
