There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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