just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
