I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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