dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
