I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
