yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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