Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
