just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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