Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
