I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
