tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need to sanitize my soul.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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