Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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