We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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