Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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