im drinking this country out of the recession.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
