the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
