Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
