I'm going to jail i love you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
