you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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