im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
