im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
