She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
