sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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