it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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