i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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