This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's always time for handjobs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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