This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
