U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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