Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
