My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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