I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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