I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Couch. On fire.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
