how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
