I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
