Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
