I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
