I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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