Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
