Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
