Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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