The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
