Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
