I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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