I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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