I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
