i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
