Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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