tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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