these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
