Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
