Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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