Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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