Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
