3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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