so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
