I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
