If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
