So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i barfeds in our rink
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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