I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
