If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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