1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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