I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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