I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Such a big mess for such a small penis
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
