is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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