I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
