The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
