Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
