Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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