making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
