He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
two words: eviction party
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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