omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
