her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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