Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
